I'll sit with you when you're hurting. And I won't try to fix you

A couple of months ago there was a story bouncing around the internet about a woman who’d created a series of greeting cards to send to someone going through cancer. What was unique about Emily McDowell's cards was their raw honesty. Instead of the trite, and frankly unhelpful, standard card messages, they said what someone suffering a life-altering illness really needed to hear. Stuff like: “Please let me be the first person to punch the next person who tells you everything happens for a reason” and “I wish I could take away your pain. Or at least, take away the people who compare it to the time their hampster died.” But my personal favourite was this one: “I'm sorry I haven't been in touch. I didn't know what to say.” I like this because it beautifully captures the helplessness you feel when someone close to you is suffering, and you know there is nothing you can say or do to ease their pain.

I was reminded of this recently when I was spending time with a friend who is healing from a broken heart. Over the course of our conversation she ran the gamut of emotions from rage to disappointment to shame to grief. I wanted so badly to offer some advice or some truism that would help her find peace, even if temporarily, but I had nothing. But that’s not what she needed from me, anyway. It’s not up to me to fix the situation, my job is to be there and listen. Empathy is not a verb, it’s a heart space.

Liz Gilbert wrote a beautiful and moving post a few months ago about the despair she felt after another mass

One of Emily McDowell's beautiful cards.

shooting in the US, and how she attempted to turn that sadness into hope on a micro scale: “When the world starts to feel overwhelming in its sorrows, I always ask myself to look around me – to narrow down my focus – and to notice somebody who is nearby me, who is suffering. I can’t help the millions, but maybe I can help one. Life is hard; there is always someone going through great pain. I tell myself: Go sit with that person today for a while. Don’t try to solve their life, or answer for God [as to why it has happened], or offer dismissive ‘reasons’, or try fix the whole world. Just say, ‘I don’t know. But I will sit with you through this.’ Turn your overflow of sorrow into love.”

When you don’t know what to say or do, it’s tempting to either rush in with solutions or platitudes, or to just back away completely. Don’t do that. Lean in. Sit beside them and listen. That’s how you show love. That’s how you say ‘I hate that you’re suffering and I can’t change that but I will bear witness to your pain and hold your hand when you need me.’ What people need when their world is broken is the warmth of human connection. That is the one thing you CAN do.

This week is going to be a major week. Here's why

In two days’ time it will be November 11, and I’m really excited about this. At the risk of sounding like a spiritual geek (I guess it’s much too late for that...), 11.11 in any year is a significant date to me because it’s a line-up of my favourite number – one.
One is strong in my personal numerology – and plus, November, the 11^th month, is my birth month. In spiritual terms, this number signifies creativity and confidence, and it appears twice for me in my soul purpose numbers (meaning this energy is extra intense) – so these are the areas that I’m challenged to harness and develop in this lifetime.

I’ll talk more about soul purpose numbers further down the page – and explain how you can find out your own, if that’s something you’re curious about – but first I want to talk about number one in angel numerology, because repetition of numbers is something that a lot of people notice.
Recently on a Facebook group I’m part of, someone posted a comment that she kept seeing ‘1111’ everywhere – she’d glance at her phone and it’d be 11.11am. It’d appear on number plates. On lottery tickets. What was the significance, she wanted to know?

There are two layers of meaning. At its most basic level this is the angels saying hello, and popping in to let you know they’re around and they’ve got your back. We all need constant reminders of that (even me… especially me...) But for those who are looking to grow and expand (which I assume describes you, given you’re reading this blog), this is also a wake-up call. The angels are reminding you at that moment to watch your thoughts, because your thoughts are creating your future – and if you’re bogged down with negative thoughts, those will block what you want. I always take the appearance of a ‘111’ sequence as a prompt for me to mentally delete the negative concepts that have been playing on my mind, then affirm to the angels what I *do* want (current goal: more clients), and thank them for helping me attract that into my life. So essentially it’s a powerful manifestation number. Which is very convenient, because…

November 11 also happens to mark the emergence of a new moon, which is a powerful time for manifestation. Woo! Adding to that, the new moon happens to be in Scorpio (that’s my sign, BTW!), which is the zodiac’s most deeply intuitive sign. 

A screenshot I took last year.

What does all this mean? In short: this week is an intense time for creating what you want – but remember that it’s your responsibility to focus your thoughts to attract what you desire. It’s about believing you CAN have what you dream of, and about tuning into your intuition for guidance. You may have powerful dreams this week, and you’ll almost certainly be having strong nudges from your intuition (that’s the Scorpio moon’s influence). If there’s something you want, you really really want, Wednesday night would be a perfect time to sit down with a pen and paper and write down exactly what you’re aiming to create in your life. You could also combine that with a meditation to clear your mind of any negative residue. Powerful stuff!

Going back to soul purpose numbers, following well-regarded numerologist Dan Millman’s analysis, I’m a 38/11. The three stands for expression – pretty relevant, as a writer – and sensitivity – pretty important, as a healer – and the eight is for abundance and power. Basically what this tells me is that my job in this lifetime is use my creativity to uplift and empower others. And that I’ll be supported by the Universe in doing so. To be honest I’m not overly thrilled about this. My ideal weekend is spent watching reruns of The Fresh Prince in my pyjamas – which, I’m pretty sure, does not benefit the community at large. Still, I know I’m happiest when I’m being creative, and I also know I’m being pushed to expand more than I have ever before, and reach out to people. So I do accept this challenge, although I’m less-than-enthusiastic about it sometimes. While I might not like all the elements of the 38/11 analysis, the information has been far more useful, and felt more accurate, to me than horoscopes (even though I have found astrology relevant, to a degree).

If you’re interested in working out your own soul purpose numerology, here’s a link to the calculator. It’ll only give you a brief summary – you need to read Dan’s book The Life You Were Born To Live to get the full rundown. I hope you find it as helpful as I did. 

I had a dream. This is what it taught me

Recently I had a dream so potent that it has stayed with me for more than a week.

I was walking with some people I used to know, who are very sophisticated and elegant. ­­We were heading towards one person’s home, then they fell into a conversation I didn’t understand, and started to gain pace. Suddenly it was like my legs had a rubber band around them, just above the knees. My legs would only take small steps forward, and I couldn’t separate them enough to lengthen my stride and catch up with the others. I was shouting at them to wait for me but they were too engrossed in their conversation to notice me. 

Soon they progressed so far ahead I lost sight of them, and I didn’t know where I was going. I became hopelessly lost, and got stuck, briefly, trying to climb over a seawall. Eventually they realised that I didn’t know where I was going and came looking for me. I was quite distressed abut the fact that my legs had failed me and that I hadn’t been able to stay with them. “I just couldn’t keep up with you,” I said to them sadly.

I just couldn’t keep up with you.

This is the line that has been bouncing around my head ever since that dream. I wrote it down in my dream diary when I woke up, but I didn’t really need to – the meaning is so obvious. When I tried to follow other people’s path, I lost my way. 

Wanting to keep up with other people – specifically, people I perceive to be cooler, hotter, more successful – is an old pattern of mine. It’s that whole ‘fitting in’ strategy we adopt in our teenage years and often results in us overspending on material goods in adulthood (keeping up with the Joneses, in other words). It can also result in us painting the picture of a perfect life on social media – and Brisbane model Essena O’Neill, 18, certainly did a brave thing this week by admitting her Instagram shots were faked in order to cast herself as someone to envy and admire.

For me, the urge to keep up with other people is problematic for several reasons. The first is that it’s based on comparisons. It involves me assessing other people, concluding that they are superior to me for whatever reason, and putting them on a pedestal. This is unwise, given I have no idea what is actually going on in people’s lives beyond the surface. Are they good people? Who knows! Are they happy? They probably have the same problems as everyone else. Are they better than me? Well, no, actually – since life is not, whatever Nike would like us to believe, a competition. I love this line in the 90s hit Sunscreen Song: "The race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself." 

There’s another problem here. Worrying about what other people have, look like and appear to be doing takes my focus away from where it needs to be: on my own growth and development.

This dream has been a wake-up call (literally!) that I need to address the way I compare myself to others, and also the way that I measure my own value. This is not a new lesson; I’ve referenced my struggles with comparison and self-worth in many previous posts. But just like those angel cards that keep recurring in the daily readings I do for you guys, these messages will keep coming up until I can truly take them on board and move on. The Universe will not stop throwing these messages at me until I learn the lesson.

I can’t keep up with other people, and I don’t need to. I am enough. 

The story so far: how One Grounded Angel was born

One of the questions I get asked from time to time is: “When did you know you could communicate with angels?” I wish I had a dramatic story to share, but unfortunately I don’t. I haven’t had a near-death experience. There was no lightning-bolt moment where I suddenly knew I had the ability to tap into the angelic realm. Mine was a very slow spiritual awakening, and it took years before I trusted that what I was sensing was legit. And it’s only been very recently that I’ve developed the confidence to pass those messages on to others. Here’s how it played out…

By the way, this story is kinda long, so you might wanna put the kettle on and make yourself comfortable. Take off your pants if you want to. (Actually on second thoughts, please don’t do that. I feel weird about it.)

When I was 25 and working for a major national magazine in Sydney, the editor introduced an angel card column, where readers could send in questions which would be answered by Doreen Virtue, who at the time was regarded as an expert on angel communication. Although I was vaguely aware of the concept of angels before this, they seemed like mythical figures to me. But my curiosity was piqued and I sent in a question of my own, which Doreen answered with startling accuracy. 

(Above: Me at Newgrange tomb, Ireland 2007)

Two years later I was travelling overseas when I noticed a deck of Doreen’s angel cards in the window of a Dublin bookstore. On a whim, I forked out about 15 euros and took the cards home to Auckland with me. I started drawing a card whenever I encountered a problem and even though they didn’t always help me resolve things (in hindsight, because I wasn’t listening properly) they were always reassuring.

In late 2013, living back in Auckland, I was going through a low period in my life, feeling stuck, when I saw a Facebook post from Doreen saying she would be leading an Angel Intuitive workshop on the Sunshine Coast in Australia. I was looking for something to bring me hope, and I needed to get out of town. I booked flights and told my friends I was on a “meditation retreat” as I didn’t want them to think I was a weirdo. (I’m pretty sure they’re well aware, haha.)

Doreen’s workshop was awesome and it really taught me how to identify and trust the messages of my intuition. I met lots of normal people who communicate with angels. Yes there was a significant portion of the stereotypical New Age types, but connecting with people who dressed and spoke just like me made me realise talking to angels was for everyone, not something reserved for a certain type of person.

It was during this workshop that someone gave me a reading telling me I needed to move back to Sydney. I was annoyed. I did not want to move back to a city I thought I was done with. But, as often happens in angel card readings, it hit a nerve. I realised I was miserable in Auckland. Plus, I’d known for some time I’d needed to move on, because I’d been getting the ‘move’ card in my own readings for the previous few weeks but hadn’t really wanted to face it.

(Above: Leaving Auckland)

I sat on the decision for several weeks. I knew the move was right for me but I was scared of starting over – particularly since I thought there was nothing ‘wrong’ with my life. (This was a lie I had been telling myself because I didn’t want to overhaul my life – more about that in this post.) It was an agonising decision. Wanting a neutral perspective I went to an angel card reader in Auckland, the wonderful Melissa Bult-Burns. Even though I draw daily cards for myself, I always book Melissa to do readings on the bigger-perspective stuff – it helps to hear the messages relayed by someone who can be objective. She confirmed that if I moved to Sydney my life would transform dramatically. Incidentally, I still have a picture of the cards she drew for me, and everything she pointed out has come to pass. 

After moving to Sydney in April 2014 I continued doing my own angel card readings, and my intuition was starting to nudge me towards the idea that working with the angels would be part of my life purpose. To that end, in November I flew down to Melbourne for another workshop, at which I became a Certified Angel Card Reader. Still I had no plans to read cards for people professionally. At this workshop a card reading indicated I had strong energy healing abilities and would do well to train in something like reiki. The card reader showed me, in a really simple way, how to run energy, and I was amazed by how much heat was coming through my hands. This was encouraging.

(Are you still with me? Kudos if you’ve managed to read this far. We’re almost there!)

At this workshop I also got messages from two separate people that I needed to be using my writing talents to help people. The angels were indicating that my struggle to find meaning in life would resonate with others, and that I needed to chronicle that in a written form. Sceptical but willing to take a chance, I came home and started this blog. I did not want to give the blog my own name because no one can spell it (lol). So I chose the name One Grounded Angel to separate myself from the other spiritual noise out there. I wanted to talk about spirituality in realistic terms, with a good dash of humour. My mission was to empower people – without judgment, preaching or rules – to connect with their hearts and souls in whatever way feels right for them. I’m not saying I’m nailing this every time but I’d like to think I’m at least on the right track. I also didn’t want to present myself as any type of authority, so I went with the prefix ‘One’ rather than ‘The Grounded Angel’.

I told no one about my blog at first – I was too worried about being judged. My online following happened organically, and I have no idea how people found me in those early days. As always, the angels were right – my themes seem to have resonated with some of you. It’s certainly helped me, in just about every area of my life.

As with all stories, the best is yet to come. It’s the same for you, by the way – none of us knows how our stories will play out. The most important thing is that if you want a bigger, more meaningful life, you have to start a new narrative. None of this was planned, but all of this is perfect.

Don’t focus on the ending – just start. 

Thank you for joining me on this journey  xx

Staying connected to the Universe, but still being grounded: all about the crown chakra

This is the final post in my series about each of the seven chakras, or energy centres, of the body. I’ve posted links to the previous six chakras at the bottom of this article if you want a refresher, but first let’s delve into the crown chakra, which is all about your connection with the Universe.

The crown chakra is located at the top of your head (well, obviously!) and is associated with your thought patterns, how well you sleep (or not) and how connected you are with your spirituality.

The best way I can explain the crown chakra is that when it is in balance, life just flows. You have an innate wisdom about how events are unfolding and about the direction in which you should move. The third-eye chakra is about having clear intuition, but the crown chakra is more intensive – it’s concerned with whether you trust the Universe enough to follow those messages (or whether your brain gets in the way). But even though this is about the ethereal stuff, a balanced crown chakra also means you are grounded (i.e. anchored to the real world) – because if you’re not grounded, you can’t integrate messages from your intuition.

(Image: The crown chakra symbol)

One type of people likely to have a crown chakra block are, ironically, those working in the spiritual community - think about the spiritual gurus online who spout a whole lot of convoluted wisdom which has no real-world basis.

Remember how I talked about how each chakra has an adversary? The heart chakra, which is all about love, has ‘grief’ as its adversary. And the sacral chakra, which is about pleasure, has ‘guilt’ as its primary challenger. In the crown chakra that adversary is ‘attachment’. That’s attachment to anything from possessions to an unhealthy relationship to a need to be right all the time. Because when we are attached to any object, or any set outcome, we’re not open to what the Universe is guiding us towards (that which is for our highest good).

My crown chakra is what I use to channel energy from the Universe through when I’m giving someone a reiki treatment. It’s also my pathway for receiving messages from the angels. But you don’t have to be working in the healing field to benefit from having a balanced crown chakra. 

Melatonin, the hormone that regulates healthy sleep patterns, is associated with the crown chakra. When there’s a block in the crown chakra, that interferes with melatonin production, which in turn adversely affects our sleep quantity and quality. It’s no coincidence that this year, the year that I started reiki and giving angel card readings professionally, my incidences of insomnia (which I have suffered from all my life) have decreased significantly. 

When the energy in our crown chakra is deficient we might display these characteristics:

* Very rigid belief systems (closed-mindedness regarding religion and spirituality)

* Dependence on material items to make us feel good

* A tendency to daydream and be away with the fairies

(Image: The seven chakras in the body.)

When the energy in the crown chakra is excessive, we might be:

* Prone to overanalysing

* Likely to over-intellectualise situations

* Constantly struggling to switch off our brains

* Prone to insomnia

To balance out the energy in this chakra, meditation is the best course of action. In yoga, the headstand is effective (for obvious reasons). Also, taking a break from electronics can be hugely beneficial because it forces you to come back to the real world. Being around nature is also a great way to ground yourself.

***

If you want to know more about the other chakras, here are the links:

The base chakra – associated with our material needs (i.e. money) and security

The sacral chakra – our emotional health, our creativity and sexual energy

The solar plexus chakra – associated with empowerment and control

The heart chakra – the place from which we give and receive love (to others, and to ourselves)

The throat chakra – associated with communication and self-expression

The third-eye chakra – all about our intuition and perception of the world

If you’d like to work with me to heal any of the issues in this article, you can book energy healing sessions here. More information about how I work is available here.