Stop the hustle. Sometimes the best thing you can do to succeed is nothing

If you send a text message to the top five people in your contacts list asking them how they are doing, I guarantee at least four will reply using the word ‘busy’. It’s highly unlikely that anyone will reply complaining of boredom. I’m a member of The Busy Club myself. But I’ve decided I want to rescind my membership.

My body has not been happy with me recently. Mostly we have a good relationship but occasionally we veer into irritable sibling territory. The source of contention: divergent interests. My mind wants me to leap ahead with #allthegoals now now now but my body is demanding rest. It does so through what I’ve come to recognise as its fuse-breakers: skin breakouts, a cold sore (gross) and waning energy levels. These are red flags for me to stop and rest; if I ignore them, my life comes to a grinding halt and may refuse to restart for quite some time. You would think, then, that it would be a good idea for me to give my body what it needs.

Except.

I’m just not very good at doing nothing. I will sometimes allow myself an afternoon nap at weekends, but I’ve got so much on my plate right now, that doing something “unproductive” such as colouring- in or watching a DVD feels like time wasted (nope, I’m not a Capricorn – I’m actually a Scorpio). Relaxation, I tell my body, is something best done when I’ve done all the other stuff I need to get done. Which is about as likely to happen as Taylor Swift’s next album containing zero references to Calvin Harris. When you’re juggling multiple freelance projects, a blog, social media channels, not to mention a gym program, friendships and a relationship, there is never nothing to be done. Few people, I suspect, would regard that as a problem... and THAT is the problem.

We’ve started to glorify busyness as if it were the default setting instead of just a semi-regular, short-term event. If you’re not crazy-busy and stressed out, there’s something wrong with you. Wait, what?

We’re all about the ‘hustle’ and the ‘slay’. It feels like every second social media post is affirming that the only way to succeed is to kickarse tirelessly, striving ahead with everythingeverything alldayeveryday. I saw a post this morning that declared “now is the new later”. Instead of motivating me, it only made me feel really, really tired.

That’s the thing. All this running around doing everything at once and being everything at once – while looking at our phones – is exhausting. Plus, it’s counter-productive. We can’t excel at anything if we’re trying to do everything. Even the ocean is still sometimes.

We seem to have forgotten that we’re human BEINGS not human DOINGS. It’s not hustling that helps us learn and grow – that is what happens in self-reflection. 

I’d like to propose a radical alternative to all this busyness: hopping out of the driver’s seat regularly, and checking into a rest stop.

Taking time out to relax has the practical benefit of not only allowing the body to recharge, in preparation for your next adventures, but also allows you to take your emotional temperature. Just like a pilot checking in with air traffic control to make sure they’re still on track for their destination, self-reflection helps you think about where you’re heading, as well as the challenges you’re wrestling with and your overall life-satisfaction levels. 

It also creates space for the Universe to step in and help you. Arianna Huffington wrote: “Life is a dance between making it happen, and letting it happen.” Dreams and goals are not meant to be a constant struggle. Mostly, they’re a partnership with the Universe – 50 per cent listening and 50 per cent action. If you’re hustling hustling hustling but making no progress, maybe you’re holding on too tightly to how you think things should be; the Universe may have a better idea for you, if you stop and give it room to make that happen.

I stumbled upon a great quote recently (because let’s not forget that social media can be really helpful!) that has reinforced my suspicion that I need to make a point of stopping regularly instead of constantly surging forward. It’s about bringing back a greater sense of balance, for the sake of my body and my soul. The quote was: “Grace will take you places hustlin’ can’t.”

I love this. Grace is what happens when you stop to find stillness amid the haste – and instead of feeling guilty, you feel fulfilled. Grace is when you listen to your body and give it what it needs – not kombucha or trendy foods, but simple, good-quality nutrition, exercise and sleep. Grace is being present in this moment instead of focusing on what’s coming up. Grace is about stepping out of struggle and surrendering to the Universe, instead of trying to control everything. Grace is checking out of The Busy Club.

Grace is what I’m doing right now. Curled up on the couch on a Sunday afternoon in my pyjamas with a blanket, watching Pride and Prejudice. Aaaaaand writing this post while simultaneously replying to Instagram comments, admittedly. Hey, I’m a slow learner.

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Confessions of a crap meditator

When my mother was a child, she enrolled in ballet lessons, full of enthusiasm… then quit after a month because they wouldn’t teach her how to dance Swan Lake. I’ve always loved this anecdote, not only because it brilliantly illustrates that self-righteous indignation particular to pre-teen girls, but also because I can understand her objection to pursuing an activity she didn’t immediately excel at.

Generally speaking, I go out of my way to avoid things I’m not good at – budgeting, walking in heels, samurai-sword fighting (admittedly this last one is not an everyday problem). But meditation has been the one thing I continue to do even though I fail at it again and again and again.

In a world which focuses on results, success and achievement, committing every day to doing something I have yet to improve at feels a little, well, pointless. But that’s exactly the point. 

My daily meditations go from 10 to 20 minutes. Approximately 45 seconds in, my attention starts to wander. I’ll be breathing slowly and deeply, feeling my body start to relax, then my mind will panic about not being in control. Then it stages a takeover bid. Is that rain outside? I need to renew my domain name soon. Did I ever reply to Mum’s text? What kind of weird-arse bird makes that sound? 

Here are some strategies I’ve employed at various points in a bid to stay focused on my practice: repeating mantras, letting go of my thoughts as soon as they appear (trying to let them simply pass), concentrating on each part of my body and letting it relax, using guided meditations. These are sometimes effective, sometimes not. I can proudly declare that I have been meditating almost every day for about three years and am just as crap today as the day I started. 

I’m telling you this because whenever I deliver a message from the angels about the need to meditate, nine times out of 10 I will get this response: ‘I’m no good at meditating’. I’m sure there are lots of holier-than-thou spiritual types who will tell you how good they are at meditating, but I’m a very realistic spiritual type. So here’s the truth: I’m no good at meditating. And this is not a reason not to continue with my practice. It’s actually an excellent reason TO do it. 

The philosophy of meditation is that there is no ‘good’ or ‘bad’ meditation practice – it’s the process itself that matters. You’re discouraged from putting a judgment on the quality of the practice. It’s normal for thoughts to appear in your brain – in fact, it’s almost impossible to clear your mind of all thoughts – the trick is not to engage with those thoughts. If you can resist that, you’ll go deep and experience the level of calm that will melt your stress and change the shape of your day. Zen monk Shunryu Suzuki explains it as follows: “In [meditation] leave your front door and back door open. Let thoughts come and go. Just don’t serve them tea.”

The theory’s good, the practice, less so.

I have had some sublime moments while meditating. A few times I have felt myself lifting right out of my body. I had a sense of floating above in a divine light. It lasted mere seconds but I have never forgotten that feeling. 

I’ve also had very clear messages from my intuition while meditating that have proved immensely helpful in my life, which is a major reason I persevere with it, even though I am often frustrated by my tendency to lose focus and my frequent struggle to let go completely.

The inescapable truth is that even when I feel like I haven’t had a particularly beneficial meditation, I still feel better than I would have if I hadn’t meditated at all. I feel calmer, more centred and fractionally more powerful. Even wine can’t do that (although, sometimes it momentarily fools me into believing it can). 

If you’re struggling with meditation, feeling like you’re doing it wrong or that you’re just not spiritual enough, I feel you. But you’re going to have to come up with a better reason not to commit to this hugely powerful, transformative activity. In a loud, crazy-busy and confusing world, we all need periods of stillness like we never have before. Even when you lose, you’re actually winning. So keep trying, keep failing. You will be better for it. 

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Looking backwards, to move forwards. That's how a retrograde rolls

So Mercury retrograde is back in all its badassery. I’ve talked about the ways this planetary cycle can screw up our daily lives, both on this blog and on my Facebook page, so I won’t bang on about it again here. What I do want to reflect on is the way this is actually prompting me to, well, reflect.

Being an introvert and a Scorpio I tend to spend a lot of time in introspection anyway, but when this sort of energetic pull happens, that shift inwards is more pronounced. Retrograde means looking backwards, so it makes sense that this sort of planetary movement would prompt us to look back, in order to help us move forwards. Without making a conscious choice to do so, I’m finding myself naturally looking back on some areas that have tripped me up.

Kris Carr, American cancer survivor and author of Crazy Sexy Kitchen, talks about life going through cycles (nope, not the Circle of Life, but I love that you thought of that. Can we be friends?), similar to the seasons nature goes through. It’s kind of like going through a ‘winter’ – a time of contemplation and stillness – and ‘spring’, a time of renewal and starting afresh, etc. I like this analogy.

Human beings aren’t great at being still, though. When we’re exhausted we drink a Red Bull. When we’re sick, we take a Codral. When we’re bored, we jump on Facebook. It’s not that there’s anything wrong with these things – sometimes you’ve just gotta do what you’ve gotta do to get through what’s ahead of you. But when you consistently ignore the cues your body is giving you to pull back for a while, you’re depriving yourself of valuable time to process and regroup. I’m learning not to feel guilty when I just really need to cancel my plans and spend a Sunday in my pyjamas eating chips, and not to panic that there’s something wrong with me when I’m exhausted despite getting lots of sleep and not being overstressed. That’s just what my body needs in that moment. Sometimes, doing nothing is doing everything.

I don’t know for sure that my current quiet time is due to the Mercury retrograde, but I do know it’s beneficial. Over the past few days I’ve noticed how my attention is being drawn to attitudes and behaviours that I need to address. It's also highlighting things that I’m clinging onto that are no longer serving me. Here are some of the things that have come up for me:

·         * Yesterday I noticed myself fobbing off a younger colleague who had asked me for advice. I realised I was doing this because I felt threatened by her talent and wanted to keep an advantage. That’s an insecurity thing – an ongoing issue for me – and it’s not cool.

·         * While filling out some complicated online documents, I threw a tanty and chucked my phone across the room. (So very mature!) A familiar pattern – I realised I have a tendency to give up too quickly when things seem too hard. I’d been obeying that voice saying ‘you’re stupid’, which is on regular rotation in my internal jukebox. I gave it another go, with a little more patience, and eventually I got there (with some swearing… OK, a LOT of swearing).  

·        *  I noticed how much my attention wanders on the reg. I’m not even talking about long meetings, I’m talking about how in conversation with someone my brain will start thinking about where I need to go next. While I accept that I’ll probably always have this tendency, I do want to learn some techniques to improve my focus. This seems like a good time to work on that.

        I think I’ll use this reflective period to observe these things without judgment, and some of the other stuff that has come up. If I’m aware of them, I can choose different responses. May as well do something useful while I sit and wait for those buses that don’t show (thanks again, Mercury). 

Hello? Yes, I have a problem. Thank you, bye

I had to spend most of my weekend without internet or mobile access, and it was HORRIBLE. This is not the most significant event of my weekend – it was a beautiful getaway with friends to a country house about two hours north of Sydney, in the Hunter Valley wine region – but this struggle with switching off is what I want to talk about here.

At first I welcomed the opportunity to distance myself from the outside world and settle into the stillness. That lasted about half an hour. The only thing that settled was a feeling of restlessness into my bones. At the heart of it: fear of missing out (I think the kids call this FOMO), fear of boredom and fear of being alone with my thoughts, in case I would be confronted by something I didn’t want to deal with. I suspect this latter reason is at play in many modern-life distractions: everything from excessive food and alcohol intake to dead-end relationships.  

Luckily – or unluckily, depending on your perspective – someone mentioned they’d received a good signal in the driveway. Rejoice! From here I was able to check in on the blog, do my daily angel card posts (which appear on the home page, and on my Instagram @onegroundedangel). You can probably guess what happened. Once I had taken care of those tasks I found myself checking Facebook, Twitter, the weather, the cricket score (I don’t even like cricket!), the weather (yes, again), various news sites, my five email accounts… No longer was I relaxing, enjoying my friends’ company and breathing in the fresh country air, I was engaging with people and situations elsewhere. Not being present. Not being with my friends. Not being here, in this moment, the only moment that is real. What a waste.

By distancing myself from the group (no one else seemed to have a problem staying away from the internet) and standing very still (internet coverage was patchy) on a gravel driveway by myself, what I was essentially saying was that I care more about the lives of people in other cities, other countries – most of whom I don’t actually know – than I do about the people who had been sitting next to me, spending time with me in the here and now.  

Recently researchers at the University of Missouri in the US identified a trend called iPhone separation anxiety. Although not a clinically recognised disorder, this term does describe what appears to be a growing problem – our inability, or reluctance, to switch off. You see it in restaurants when couples don’t even talk to each other – they’re too busy on their phones. In this study, participants reported anxiety and poor cognitive functioning when separated from their iPhones.

This, coupled with the events of the weekend, have spurred me to do a study of my own. Starting from tonight, I’m switching off all social media for a week. I’ve done this before, and really felt the benefits, so I’m confident I can follow through. I’ll still log in to do my daily angel card reading and will update the blog, but that’s it. It’s time to remind myself that my life exists in the here and now, and not on a tiny screen.

God help me. 

The beautiful spot where I spent my weekend.

Mind and matter - how meditation has changed my world

As I write this, I’m sitting in the park on my lunch break, watching a guy meditate. Wait, that sounds creepy. I’m not *watching* him, he just happens to be in my line of vision. He’s sitting in lotus position, with his hands in mudra, completely consumed in stillness while the world continues to beat its crazy tune around him. My attention keeps coming back to him – in a non-creepy way, just want to make that clear – because he is meditating. In public. And no-one is looking.

This is a wonderful thing, because it shows how far our consciousness has evolved. It’s now acceptable for someone to meditate in public and not attract attention from anyone. (Except me, obvs, BUT I’M NOT A CREEPER, OK?!)

Meditation used to be regarded as the domain of lentil-loving hippies and daydreaming types. No longer. Celebrities such as Russell Brand, Miranda Kerr, Hugh Jackman and Lena Dunham are all devotees, and from the meditation workshops I’ve attended over the years it’s clear a wide spectrum of people are on board with this life-affirming practice. And given the immense benefits from meditation – it slows your heart rate (as I found out in dramatic fashion), calms your central nervous system and improves just about every function of your body – I’d wager this is not a passing trend. Simply by meditating regularly, people are becoming calmer, more emotionally resilient, less stressed, more centred, more loving and more present. That’s some serious power right there.

Last month I went along to a screening of The Connection, a brilliant documentary by Sydney journalist Shannon Harvey which explored the relationship between spiritual health and physical health. (Shoutout to the awesome team at Films for Change for bringing us these stirring cinematic experiences.) The most startling revelation for me was a medical researcher’s statement that our genes are not fixed – meditation can flip the switch on genes that cause disease. This means that through the simple regular practice of meditation we can actually alter our bodies at a cellular level. I’m sure I don’t need to tell you how remarkable this is.

If you’ve dabbled in meditation but abandoned it because you were short of time (top tip: no one ‘finds’ time, they ‘make’ time) or thought you sucked at it (another tip: you don’t), I urge you to give it another crack. And then to keep going.

Here are some great places to go for meditation instruction and inspiration:

·         Google your local Buddhist centre, which is bound to be running workshops and sessions teaching meditation.

·        Headspace (www.headspace.com) – described as a gym for your mind, this app is a wonderful resource for rookies. It offers 10 free meditations and a more in-depth series to subscribers.

·        Omvana (www.omvana.com) – a constantly updated app placing a wide range of meditations at your disposal.

·        Belinda Davison (http://belindadavidson.com/free-resources) – she calls herself a psychic without a woo-woo bone in her body, and provides a series of free meditations focused on chakra clearing.

·        Tom Cronin (www.tomcronin.com) – a meditation teacher who offers online courses as well as workshops in Sydney. He also runs a fantastic free group meditation called the Stillness Project in the CBD on Monday nights, which I highly recommend.