For more than a
month now I have been getting the message that I needed to put my
prices up. For more than
a month I have resisted. In terms of my main profession (I’m a freelance journalist) rates are set by the industry and I have very
little room to manoeuvre. But in terms of my work as an angel card
reader, I have set my rates at well under 50 per cent of what other readers
charge, and I have justified this ridiculous state of affairs with the flimsiest of reasons.
I told myself that because I am fairly new to professional card
readings it wouldn’t be fair to charge the same rate as more experienced readers.
This is a lie I told myself because – as is the case with many lies, I’ve
realised – it was convenient. It was convenient for me not to face my fear that
I am not good enough. This lie allowed me to feel OK about delivering a service
that might not be as polished as other readers could offer, and only feel semi shitty
about it (as opposed to completely shitty).Basically, I didn’t want to let anyone down. But in doing so, I’ve been letting myself down. Badly. Which makes no sense, because charging a rate that is fair for me is not the same thing as ripping people off. And all the feedback I’m getting – plus the coaching I’ve been having – indicates that I am, in fact, good enough. I am providing people with real insight and messages that are helpful to them. So why not charge market rates?
Of course, this
is not really about money at all, it’s about value. It’s the value I advertise my
skills as having – and by charging a low rate I’m pretty much telling people that
the information and insights I can offer them are worth about as much as the Sunday
brunch they kinda enjoy but won’t remember afterwards. This is also about how
much (or little) I value myself.
I’ve written before about my tendency to measure myself against other people, to my
detriment. I am now
trying to redefine my understanding of the word ‘value’. I
have challenged myself to stop measuring my value by other people’s standards
and expectations – which is a sure path to low self-esteem. If I compare myself to the waifish-supermodel
shape that society tells us is the ideal (do not even get me started on how
wrong this barometer is!), I will always see my body as lacking. If I regard the
marriage-mortgage-maternity formula as the determinant of a successful life, I
will see myself as a failure. If I regard a high-flying job as the measure of
career success, I will never see my professional abilities as
holding value.
Instead, I’m
trying to understand that my value comes from internal measures. I’m trying to
recognise the value that I hold simply by virtue of being myself, and through the ways
I’m honouring that individuality. I hold value when I am meeting my own set of
– for lack of a better word – values. These include kindness, fairness, holding
fast to hope and making meaningful contributions to a better world (in small
and significant ways). When I honour
those, and all the other virtues I hold dear, I hold value. And when I
recognise my own value I am more likely to make better decisions about
everything from what food I put in my mouth to what type of relationships I
pursue and, yes, how much I charge for my work.
My decisions about the rates I set for my
services are inextricably linked to the way I feel about myself. Both are
overdue for an overhaul. My challenge is to learn to back myself, so that others will too.