New year, new you, right? Not so much. Many of us feel inspired to make drastic changes when the calendar ticks over to another year, only to wind up frustrated when we fail to hit those epic goals. So why does that happen? From an energy healer’s perspective, here are some of the factors that may be adversely affecting your progress…
1 You don’t believe you’ll be successful
(Photo by Glen Carrie on Unsplash)
It’s very difficult to hit a target you can’t see… even more so when the reason you can’t see it is because you don’t really believe it’s there. Self-belief is super important when it comes to using energy to manifest goals. If you want to buy a house but you’ve adopted your cynical great-uncle’s belief that there’s not any affordable property options out there, that’s going to be a massive problem. I’m not advocating for total avoidance of reality – if the economy’s tough, it’s tough – instead, acceptance of how things are while also holding space for the Universe to bring through possibilities that seem impossible. In other words, trusting you can get a good outcome, even though you can’t yet see how.
Sometimes these underlying fears and beliefs can be sneaky and you might not realise they’re there, so it’s a good idea to really think about whether fear is showing up for you.
2 You’re self-sabotaging due to limiting fears
‘Self-sabotage’ is a term that gets bandied about a lot in self-help circles, and it’s a term I’m wary about. It kinda implies someone is deliberately ruining their life, but my experience, deliberate sabotage is rarely the case. It is, however, entirely possible you’re inadvertently hindering your own progress – even though it’s probably the last thing you want to do. Often, there’s a limiting fear playing out in your subconscious. For example, if your goal is to manifest a long-term relationship but you keep hooking up with people who have zero long-term potential, there could be a fear around rejection lodged deep in your energy, which leads you to abandon your own goals lest your fear should come to pass. That’s just one example, but it does illustrate how we can get in our own way sometimes – not through lack of knowledge, but fear. (For more information on the role of limiting beliefs in relationships, read this.)
(Photo by Hadis Malekie on Unsplash)
3 You’re aiming for something you don’t actually want
Recently I posted on Instagram this quote from meditation expert Megan Monahan: “Until you get really clear about what YOU want, you’re destined to eavesdrop on others’ desires and chase them as if they were your own.” In that post, I described how being bullied in my primary-school years likely contributed to my long-term pattern of trying to fit in with others (a survival tactic designed to avoid attracting adverse attention). Up until recent years, I still found myself making choices purely because they looked mainstream (and, therefore, safe), even if those choices weren’t actually right for me. Case in point: my career path. When I started out in journalism, I had my sights set on becoming a magazine editor, because that was the trajectory all my peers were on. Eventually I realised that such a management role would take me away from what I loved (ie writing), and wouldn’t have made me happy at all. I felt a little embarrassed to admit I was no aspiring to any glittery job title on my career path, but gradually I came to a place of self-acceptance with that – not an easy thing to do in a competitive world.
If you’re struggling to hit a particular goal, have a think about whether that outcome is actually right for you, or whether you’ve simply fixed on it because that’s what everyone around you is doing.
The thing is, if you don’t really want the thing you’re aiming at, it’ll be hard to get momentum because you’re essentially sending the Universe mixed messages – you’re reaching for something and rejecting it at the same time.
(Photo by Cathryn Lavery on Unsplash)
4 You don’t really know what you want
Oh boy, this is a tough one. If you’re a people-pleaser, or you’ve been doing what society expects of you (as discussed in the previous section), you’re probably struggling to discern what you *actually* want to do. That may mean you keep jumping around from project to project, either procrastinating heavily or abandoning each idea quickly, without getting a sense of completion. That is totally OK to do, by the way, and isn’t a sign of failure (I wrote an article about that here). However if you *do* want to bring something to completion but you’re finding you’re not able to apply yourself for long, it could be that, deep down, you don’t actually know what you want and so you’re jumping into any shiny car that passes you, without letting your intuition guide you on the destination you truly desire.
Working out what you want can take time to discern. Firstly, I recommend making time for self-reflection (as my very wise spiritual coach Michelle Capper-Fay once told me: without self-reflection there can be no growth). Spend some time alone – sans phone, kids or other distractions – writing notes about what you’re passionate about, what gives you a sense of purpose and what you value in life. That may give you some insight into the best direction for you. Working with a career coach may also provide some clarity.
(Photo by Tachina Lee on Unsplash)
5 You’ve overinvested in the goal.
This is something that applies to the big-scale goals you’ve got (eg aiming to run a successful not-for-profit organisation) rather than the more immediate plans (eg aiming to run in the New York Marathon). It sounds totally counter-intuitive, but if you want something so badly that your fixation is bordering on obsession, that’s leaving the Universe no room to send in energy to support you. Being overattached isn’t healthy, as it means you’ve yoked your sense of identity and value to the result you want (ruh-roh). That means you’re trying to control the process too much, and that will block the perfect outcome – which may or may not be in alignment with your definition – to come through from the Universe. Let go and allow some breathing space.
In situations like this, channelling your energy into something else can be helpful. In this post, I talk about how I was only able to manifest a long-term relationship when I stopped focusing on it and put all my energy into developing my spiritual business instead – the improved self-awareness and confidence I gained from that shifted me from a space of ‘a relationship is the most defining factor in my life’ to ‘as long as I am growing and learning, everything else will flow as it needs to’. In other words, it helped me let go and let the Universe take the wheel.
*If any of these beliefs or issues resonate with you, talk to me about how energy healing can help you break through blocks and attract what you want.