OK, I admit it – that headline was totally clickbait-y. Truth is, there isn’t really a ‘best decade’, as such – every age and stage has its joys, triumphs, stressors and challenges. With that said, there are a few reasons why your 40s are a time for forging your identity and setting the tone for the rest of your life, which is the point of this article. My reasons for writing about this are mostly, I admit, self-interest. I’ve been told that being 42 is a powerful age for spiritual growth and wisdom – which, from my personal experience, is proving true (so far). It’s interesting that this dovetails with the famous line from Douglas Adams’ seminal The Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy about 42 being the age that life begins…
Before we get into the spiritual stuff, let’s look at what’s often happening at this life stage. It’s probably not surprising that we associate the 40s with ‘mid-life crisis’, given it’s a time people tend to start thinking seriously about what they want from their lives. While your 20s – broadly speaking – might have been a time for adventure and exploration, and your 30s a time of setting down roots professionally and on the home front, your 40s are mostly a time for letting go of what no longer serves you and getting more comfortable in your own skin. (I’m painting in broad brushstrokes here.) For some, this prompts a lot of change. The average age of people starting a business is 45, according to the Harvard Business Review[1], while the average age for divorce is 45.6 (men) and 42.8 (women) in Australia[2]. For women in particular, anecdotal evidence suggests that approaching menopause may prompt reflection on how much of their time and identity may have been tied up with motherhood and service, and how they want the next phase of their lives to look and feel.
(Photo by Sérgio Rola on Unsplash)
We live in a society that teaches us our young years are our prime, and there’s enormous pressure (and the influence of corporate profiteering) to pretend we are younger than we are. From a spiritual perspective, this is horseshit. The whole point of our soul’s journey is to evolve and grow, and wisdom can only be imparted over time. No matter what skincare companies have led you to believe, ageing enhances – not erodes – your value. Now that that’s out of the way, let’s look more closely at the 40s.
Spiritual changes
Astrologically speaking, a mass concentration of key planetary movements occurs during the 40s, which may influence why many people feel like they’re at a turning point. Saturn and Uranus, the two planets that sit on either side of the ‘conformity vs rebellion’ divide, are both at the mid-point of their cycles by age 42. This can prompt many people to examine whether they are truly in charge of their lives or whether they have been blindly following someone else’s script – a script that maybe serves them no longer. Some may feel compelled to rebel in dramatic fashion, ditching marriages, jobs and even countries, while others may be so triggered they cling more strongly to what is familiar to them, leaving them feeling unfulfilled and disconnected – and, if the Universe decides to make key decisions for them, through redundancy or a partner’s infidelity, for example – resentful and completely unmoored.
(Photo by Nick Seagrave on Unsplash)
Jupiter, the planet of growth and expansion, is also at its halfway point in the early 40s, pushing us to evolve (rather than stagnate). Neptune, planet of disillusionment, and Pluto, associated with power and transformation, are also putting on the pressure. That could mean an uncomfortable wake-up call if you’ve been pretending a situation is something it isn’t (eg a maintaining an image of perfection in the community or on social media), or giving away your power in unhealthy ways (for example, relying on a church or partner to determine your choices and direction). And since Pluto also rules death and the underworld, a sense of our own mortality can start to bite down, while hidden traumas and unresolved emotional blocks (including those from past lives) can come to the surface to prompt healing. Yep, it’s a lot.
By age 45, every planet is forming a hard aspect to itself, shaking up your life in every area. It’s a time when those who feel able and ready to transform will decide they will no operate in auto-pilot mode, nor rely on other people to make them happy.
What do I do?
I find it really frustrating when people take a black-and-white approach to spirituality (especially anything involving astrology). For example: ‘Mercury retrograde is destructive’ or ‘positive vibes are all you need’, etc. Nothing is wholly good OR bad – it’s entirely up to you how you respond to what’s happening, which is certainly the case when it comes to your 40s.
(Photo by Kateryna Hliznitsova on Unsplash)
At this stage of life, are a lot of energies and life changes may be pushing you towards reflection. Some will be uncomfortable, others will be liberating. How you approach this will depend on how emotionally secure you are and much work you’re doing on yourself – this is just my opinion, but I’d say that people working on their personal development and healing with a therapist or healer will have a much stronger platform to navigate these changes without going off the deep end (think: the tired stereotype of the balding man buying a red sports car and hooking up with a 20-something woman).
It might feel like a midlife crisis is a time to panic, but remember that the Greek meaning of the word ‘crisis’ is ‘to separate’ or ‘to decide’. Like a sieve, a crisis helps us sift out what’s unimportant and zero in on what truly matters, which is one of the great lessons from the pandemic.
As always, taking time to reflect on how you’re feeling and what you want, rather than doing anything rash, is a really good idea. This will be much easier to do if you’re comfortable being uncomfortable – if you’re inclined to sweep difficult emotions or experiences under the carpet, you might end up feeling stuck. Make sure you’ve got someone to talk to (and if your friends don’t get it, find someone who is). You don’t need to quit your job and move to an ashram, but starting to turn your focus inwards and asking yourself questions about what you want is a great foundation for growth.
If you’d like to talk to me about how energy healing can help you get clarity about what you want, reach out here. Sessions are done over Zoom, no matter where you live.
[1] https://hbr.org/2018/07/research-the-average-age-of-a-successful-startup-founder-is-45
[2] https://aifs.gov.au/research/facts-and-figures/divorces-australia#:~:text=In%202020%20the%20median%20age,males%20and%2043.1%20for%20females).