I don’t know about you, but this pandemic was not part of my plan for 2020. So much of what we expected and hoped for has been taken away, exposing some difficult lessons we are being forced to work through. Many of you have told me you’re using this time to do an audit on your life. If that’s you, this article – which explores four truths coming to the surface for many of us – may help you dive deeper.
1. We’ve been clinging to ‘busyness’
If I had a dollar for every time someone had told me ‘I really want to make changes in my life but I don’t have time’, I’d probably be able to buy a mansion so expansive it would put the Kardashians to shame. The people who have told me about the business they dream of creating but they’re too busy to start. Those who’ve told me they know their relationship isn’t working but they don’t have time to do anything about it. Those who’ve said they know they need to get more sleep but they simply have too many tasks to complete each day (which, in many cases, they feel they must perform perfectly) before they can allow themselves to sleep.
Friends, the way we’ve been living isn’t sustainable. Many people have refused to slow down, sacrificing sleep and relaxation for productivity, and now the Universe has slammed on the brakes, some uncomfortable truths are being exposed: namely, that our obsession with busyness has been nothing more than a cover story.
In her book ‘Riding Raw’, my friend Sue Hollis, a wonderful energy healer, has written about her relentless pursuit of status and achievement in her corporate career, in the hopes it would make her feel good enough (spoiler alert: it never did). If you’ve been exhausting yourself trying to nail every item on your never-ending to-do list, because you feel like failing to achieve makes you a failure, then I imagine the pandemic – which has stripped away most of your obligations – will be making you extremely uncomfortable. If you’ve tried to bury that by setting yourself new challenges and projects, such as learning Latin, decluttering the attic and mastering the violin (hello there, every Virgo!), maybe it’s time to work at bolstering your sense of self-worth so you can feel secure as a human being rather than a human doing.
(Photo by Eutah Mizushima on Unsplash)
Here’s something else to think about: much like how procrastination keeps us safe from failure by preventing us from ever starting, busyness is also something we do to avoid doing the things we really want to do. So will you now do that thing? Or will you let fear stop you once again?
Questions to reflect on: What has busyness stopped you from doing? What is it you’re chasing through relentless productivity? Does being busy make you feel worthy and successful, or does it just give you something to focus on so you don’t feel what’s going on underneath? What could you change to make yourself feel good enough just as you are?
2. The delusion of control
Recently I was listening to an interview with thought leader Mo Gawdat on the ‘How to Fail’ podcast (you can find it here). The interviewer, journalist Elizabeth Day, mentioned that the lack of certainty around the pandemic is what makes it so difficult for her to deal with – if she knew it would only last two more weeks, for example, it would be easier to get through it. Mo pointed out that actually, that wouldn’t make it easier – we just like to think it would. Well, didn’t I feel called out!
The desire to know how things are going to play out has been a recurring thought for me lately. I think of this as the delusion of control. When we have no control over a situation, that’s terrifying because it brings up all our safety fears – all the energy stored in our body from times when, for example, we suffered or lost something we valued, and even past-life energy from traumatic events. The brain, which is hardwired to keep us alive, responds by pushing us to exert control over the situation – in this case, by trying to impose a schedule on it. The reality, of course, is that we don’t know how long this situation will last – and the challenge is to be OK with that (even while acknowledging that it sucks and is totally unfair, of course). We don’t have to pretend that it’s fine, but we need to put down the clipboard and calendar, take off the running shoes, and sit down to reflect on what we can control. We can control what we do today, in this present moment, and how we respond to what’s going on. We can control who and what we listen to. We can choose how much weight we give our thoughts (remembering that around 70 per cent of our thoughts are negative). We can choose how we spend our time.
Questions to reflect on: What would it take for you to surrender control to the Universe and trust that everything will work out? What is stopping you from doing just that? What are some other times in your life when you felt unsafe, and are your feelings and responses similar to how you’re feeling now? What are some healthy coping mechanisms that can help you feel safer within this uncertain time?
(Photo by Erik Mclean on Unsplash)
3. A hidden scarcity mentality
I know I’ve joked about the toilet-paper hoarding before, but it really does expose some deeply held fears about abundance (or lack thereof). If you grew up in poverty, or with the constant threat of it (in this lifetime or a past one), you will likely hold a belief that ‘there isn’t enough out there for people like me’ and ‘I have to be constantly on guard against losing everything’. That could apply to money, food, support or, yes, toilet paper. Those are the sorts of beliefs that drive people to hoard items, even when there isn’t a logical reason to do so. It’s an attempt to bring back some measure of control to a situation in which we don’t have a lot of control. If you’ve had something you valued taken away from you suddenly in your life – a job, a home, etc – that can also contribute to a fear of scarcity. It can be a struggle to trust that the Universe will provide for you, especially when things start looking shaky. This might be a good time to reflect on some of your beliefs about money – the way you use it might give you some insights on this front.
Questions to reflect on: What messages did my parents send about money when I was a kid? Do I use money to convey my worth to others, or as an emotional crutch? What does money represent to me? What would it take for me to trust that I have enough of what I need? Have I felt fully supported throughout my life (emotionally and materially)? If not, what impact has that had on my choices?
(Photo by Maxim Ilyahov on Unsplash)
4. We’re addicted to distraction
What do you do when you feel ashamed, remorseful or inadequate? Do you soothe yourself and speak kindly to yourself? Or do you pour a glass of wine and start cyberstalking your ex? We all want to avoid uncomfortable emotions – they suck! – but spiritual development requires us to show up for ourselves in those moments instead of sweeping the ugly stuff under the carpet. Easier said than done, I know. This pandemic may be exposing the ways you’ve tried to distract yourself from difficult emotions in the past (and yes, busyness may be one of them). Maybe you lean into rescuer complex, and tend to run around fixing everyone else’s problems while deftly avoiding your own. Maybe you watch a trashy reality show and get into judgment mode so you can feel better about yourself. We still have plenty of distractions in quarantine, obviously (Instagram, anyone?) but a lot more time to notice our tendency to rely on them. Maybe this is your moment to stop avoiding and start processing. The only way out is through.
Questions to ask yourself: Is there a particular feeling you’re avoiding? Is there a particular time that feeling comes up? What are the typical ways you avoid feeling it? What does it mean for your sense of identity and self-worth if you are feeling these experiences? How could you process your feelings in a more healthy and helpful way – without judgment towards yourself?
If you need help working through any of the issues discussed in this article, I offer energy healing sessions which help clear limiting beliefs and fears, and instil positive energy to help you move forward. Sessions are conducted over Zoom. For more information, click here.