There’s a quote about authenticity which has always stayed with me. Apparently the quote comes from Lady Gaga, although who can really trust the source of things that are found online? Anyway, the quote goes: “You laugh at me because I’m different. I laugh at you because you’re all the same.” I first heard this when I was wrestling with my identity, starting to understand that the reason I had always felt like I didn’t belong was because of my spiritual connection. The fact that I could see, feel and understand things that other people couldn’t and didn’t. The fact that I felt like I’d been dropped here from another planet. The fact that the way I dressed, acted and talked was always out of step with everyone around me.
In some ways, waking up to my spiritual connection was a comfort – it explained so much about why I’d never felt like I fitted in anywhere. In other ways it was a dungeon, because it meant I was going to have to accept that I would probably never feel like I belonged. I had to break up with the part of me that had believed one day I would find my people. Gaga’s words provided some comfort, helping me feel like maybe being different was aspirational, rather than a defect. Still, I go in and out of accepting this.
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I heard the term ‘coming out of the spiritual closet’ many years ago at a retreat and it struck me as being an accurate analogy for how so many spiritual types hide that aspect of ourselves, even though it is so intrinsic to our sense of identity. For me, accepting my identity as a lightworker, healer or someone with a profound spiritual connection has not an easy thing to do. I railed against it for many years. I didn’t want to be an outsider. I wanted to be popular and I wanted to be normal (whatever that even means). I wanted a wide circle of friends who accepted me. Even now I sometimes hold my spiritual self at a distance, like a coat I can put on and off when the weather requires. This is not necessarily a bad thing – hiding my spiritual self is a very smart idea in certain circles, where it would be strongly criticised or ridiculed (think: extended family gatherings). But there are other times when it might be helpful to be open about it. For a start, it means I’m being more authentic. Also, there might be aspects of my work that could be helpful to that person or someone they know. More importantly, being authentic and standing in my own power gives others permission to do the same.
But.
It’s really hard.
And there are a few factors compounding that struggle. Here are some of the reasons being openly spiritual can feel so terrifying.
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1. Humans are programmed to want to fit in
If you’re familiar with the work of the wonderful Brené Brown, you probably already know that human beings are hard-wired for connection (she talks about this a lot). In prehistoric times, we needed to be part of the tribe in order to survive – step outside the lines and you could be exposed to predators such as sabre-tooth tigers. Even though the human race has evolved, we are likely still biologically predisposed to conflate belonging with survival. Which, in turn, means not belonging is regarded on some level as being dangerous.
2. Many of us look to others for our value
So many people are spending significant amounts of time and energy trying to earn the approval of others. It could be agreeing to other people’s unreasonable demands so they can look like they’re a ‘nice person’. It could be going along with social constructs that don’t suit them, just so they can be seen as successful – think: being a certain body type, having a certain type of relationship and having a ‘prestigious’ job (ie well-paid). Being different means you risk the disapproval of other people – and for some, that’s going to be extremely uncomfortable until you can get to a place where the price of upsetting people is higher than the price of suppressing who you are. This is something you’re best to work through with a therapist or energy healer.
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3. Many have a history of persecution and oppression
Time to get a bit woo-woo (stay with me!). Throughout history, people who are different have often suffered – think: burned at the stake, imprisoned, persecuted and enslaved – and of course there is still oppression happening today in some parts of the world. If you believe in reincarnation, as I do, it’s reasonable to expect that of the many lifetimes you have already lived (or the one you’re in now), probably at least one involved you being isolated or ostracised for falling outside family expectations, for example, or political or religious structures. That trauma energy can stay with us at a subconscious level across different lifetimes, an energetic block which is triggered every time we even consider going against the grain.
In short: your energy remembers that being different has not worked out well for you in the past, and it wants you to colour within the lines to stay safe, please and thank you. Your energy would rather you faked fitting in than took the chance at stepping into your authentic power and potentially paying a very high price for that. If this concept of past persecution resonates with you, I recommend you work with an energy healer or shaman to clear these energetic blocks so you can step forward with – perhaps not a total absence of fear, which is unrealistic – but a much greater ability to feel secure about being different.
If you’d like to work with me to heal any of the issues in this article, you can book energy healing sessions here. More information about how I work is available here.