Confession: I hate parties. I’m awkward when it comes to small talk because I’m rubbish at ‘playing the game’, and I find meeting new people terrifying. Christmas parties are a battle of endurance for me, and summer barbecues with people I don’t know are acutely uncomfortable. For a long time I labelled this as shyness however I’ve realised that, yes, I am slow to relax in other people’s company and don’t enjoy talking about myself, but I actually don’t fit into the category of ‘shy’. I also attributed this mild social anxiety to being an introvert – which is true, I am – but this doesn’t completely explain my level of discomfort in social settings.
A month ago I read an
article in Elephant Journal that made all the pieces fall into place. My
preference for short, one-on-one interactions – or none at all – is nothing to
do with shyness or introversion, it’s all about being highly sensitive. It’s
about the way I respond to social exchanges on an emotional level.
This is what it means
to be highly sensitive:
* You need massive
amounts of time alone
* You pick up on
other people’s moods instantly, and usually absorb them
* You feel
overwhelmed by social situations and crowds
* You feel emotions
deeply
* You appreciate and
respond to art, music and beauty at a very deep level
That’s a tick, tick,
tick, tick and a half-tick for me.
The fact that I’m
highly sensitive means I can’t work for long periods in offices that are super
bitchy or super negative because that drags down my mood and drains my energy.
I can’t have a packed social calendar, because I need lots of time in solitude
to recharge. I can’t watch news footage of tragedies or disasters because I
am seized by intense despair. I can’t enjoy boxing or sports where violence
is encouraged because I find the aggression really confronting.
In a society that
prizes physical dominance and discourages displays of emotion, sensitivity
is regarded as a weakness. I vividly recall being told: "Don’t be so
sensitive," as an adolescent when I complained about being bullied. (Um, thanks, really helpful. Nothing like a spot of victim shaming to avoid
tackling an issue.)
What I understand now
is that being sensitive is not a weakness, it’s a strength. It’s what helps me
to perceive, via my intuition, when people need help, extra kindness or just
space. It’s also the thing that allows me to tune into other people’s energy
fields to help them identify emotional blocks – hence my affinity with reiki and
angel card readings. (It also means I can be prone to taking those energies on
board, but I have measures to avoid that.)
Highly sensitive
types are the ones who create dazzling works of art, poetry and performance
that allow us to see the world in entirely new ways. They are terrible at
dating but excellent at long-term relationships. They have a small group of
friends who they forge strong connections with. They listen far more than they
speak. They are very protective of their personal space and don't react well to
being touched by strangers or people they don’t know well.
For me, being
sensitive means I need plenty of self-care. It’s about lots of sleep, lots of
water, lots of exercise, and lots of time on my own. It’s also vital to make
time to be creative and to be still. It feels good to be at an age where I
don’t have to make an excuse for choosing, and enjoying, these activities. I
know I feel better for them. I also do a shielding ritual as part of my daily
morning meditation, to protect myself, my physical space and my energetic
space. This means I can face the day knowing that no matter who I’m around, I’m
not going to get dragged down by their mood or their ‘stuff'’. (Happy to give
tips on this to anyone who’d like to know more about how to do this, just drop
me an email.)
If this post resonates with you, I hope you can find ways to embrace and nurture your sensitivity too.